Creaky's Corner # 1

Hello to the World

Creaky here. It has been many moons since I put my mark on this blog spot but nevermind, I'm here now. I am definitely not running the Edinburgh Marathon. In fact, I have done no exercise since I gave up on Singapore and currently don't actually have a plan too. My laziness is impressive. In my slight defence, and ignoring the fact I am lazy, I have now been constantly injured for nearly 6 months. What, Good God no! I hear you cry. Wipe those tears away and never fear my trusty minions, I am hard as nails and I can manage. Do you remember all those moons ago when I kept whinging about my shoulder. Well, it is still with me. It is officially a lot better at the moment as an expensive course in chiropractise has been undertaken. Apparently it is me old whiplash injury flaring up after ten years. Me neck has been an odd shape for ten years and the original shoulder injury was it saying that it was bored with that situation and why should it take it lying down, or jogging etc. Apparently the misplaced bones are pretty much under control and now I just have to book into regular massages to stop the muscles clenching and pulling things out of place again. Ten years of muscle damage to fix. Darn those massages. How horrendous!! Anyway, just thought I would bring you up to date on my laziness, I mean injury, and I shall sign off now for a week or so. Next week, as I am not talking about running (as it would get boring saying - didn't do any.) I shall be discussing a random topic. Suggestions are welcome. If I don't get any, then it will be about my love of the film Shark Attack 3. I might just talk about that anyway...... cheerio

Track Training with Hannah, Charlotte and May

I had my first track training session last night and it was pretty much an exercise in humility. Which I suppose is a good thing because I need to be brought down a peg or two.

Last night’s was apparently an “easy” session. A mere 3K speed challenge. This is OK, I though, I can run 3K with my eyes shut (Provided there are no corners or roads). However the whole speed challenge thing was concerning me somewhat. It turned out I was right to be concerned.

A number of things struck me. First, running club members are very, very strange. Men, if you have an arse the size of a grapefruit, it probably isn’t a good idea to wrap it in lycra unless you want to draw horrified glances. Secondly the warm up alone nearly did for me. I have a condition called Congenital Shitness you see. This means I have to train really hard just to be shit at things. Fortunately I am fairly well adjusted and thus don’t feel the need to be competitive. Otherwise I’d be fucked.

Anyway after a lot of retarded hopping about, including the infamous Cockney Skipping (Well done to Charlotte for observing that moving the knees outwards makes any activity far more “Cockney” than keeping them straight) and numerous lunges, we were ready for the off.

And indeed off went everyone. My friends disappeared into the distance and I was reminded of the fact that in this life, we are always truly alone. Especially if our friends are much faster than us.


1K – Friends disappear into tiny specks in distance, but still going strong although emphasemic breathing begins

1.5K – Seeing spots, feeling dizzy and at the back of the pack

2K - Existential angst

2.5 K Arms and legs not responding to brain's desperate urges of “faster faster faster”, however do manage to overtake one person and thus not actually be last

3K Cross finish line puce and feeling like I have stared into the empty eye-sockets of Death himself

Interestingly enough, I did manage to get chatted up while wheezing and being purple in the face which just goes to show what a fox I am. A congenitally shit fox, but a fox none the less.

Today I have a hamstring injury and am limping round like a crip. Time to resurect my stable name of Lasty.