Just realised how foolish I'm being...

...I'll simply turn up to my interview dressed as a pumpkin.

Genius

London is shrinking (Sarah)

When I lie me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my knees to keep
Because I dont' bloody well want them. Must have been running like a fool yesterday as my left knee is shrieking in protest and it hasn't done that in a while. I ran me 8 miles last night and feel virtuous because of it. However, I would like to complain that London is shrinking. Yes, it really is. With my new gee whiz tool of a Garmin, I can measure precisely how far I have run. I have an 8 miles circuit. Garmin agreed that it was 8 miles before so why did it decide yesterday that it wasn't. Apparently it is only 7.7 miles now. The only explanation is that London is shrinking. It can't be me or the Garmin.

I'm down to do ten tonight and I am a little bit scared. I might fall asleep in my dinner afterwards.

Halloween (Cherry)

After a slightly boozy weekend were I did everything but run (I even did a gig!) I am rising phoenix-like from my own ashes. Last night I did 10, today off, tomorrow running is going to involve getting up at daft o clock as I have work, two interviews, evening class AND a Halloween party to go to. I suspect my fancy dress will not be my best. In fact it will probably be a re-enactment of last year’s Count Crapular effort. Since I will be in a suit, maybe I can roll around in some soil and claim I have just escaped the grave. Maybe not. I think ghoulish dressing up opportunities for a person in a beige suit are limited to:
- 7/7 survivor (still not quite finding this funny though, bit close for comfort)
- Steve Irwin (Very funny but done by Chris last year)
- Decaying corpse that had to go to an interview (lame)
- Count Crapular.

Any ideas?

Weekend running - Meant to upload this yesterday

Sarah says:

Well I said I would do 5 and 18 over the weekend. I lied. I did 5 and 5. I was pitiful on Sunday. The moment it rained finished me off. To be honest it wasn't going well before that. I think my residual illness wasn't helping. While my legs were fine, the jolting of my head made it hurt and my vision seemed to be half a millisecond behind where it should have been. Oh well. This week I am going to stick to the timetable totally and be generally very very good. That even gives me Wednesday off for halloween. Hooray.

In a totally unconnected matter, I think a new law should be bought in for noisy eaters. All of them should die. There are some very basic social rules and not eating loudly is one of them. I have people in my office that eat / slurp loudly and I want them destroyed!

Cherry says:
Poor old Sarah, she was poorly but still managed to bravely do flaming shots of Sambuca in the pub on Friday night. I didn’t run much over the weekend, but I did drink a fair bit.

Sarah’s dislike of noisy eaters is one which has been well documented through history. Lets hope the main offender happens to be browsing this site and gets the hint. Although I suspect that just telling him to eat with his mouth closed might be kinder… but what do I know?

Look who's hauled her moth-eaten corpse into work today!

Oh dear me. I haven't run for over a week. That is bad, bad, bad (gently rocking in my work swivel chair). I solemnly swear that I will run on Saturday a distance of 5 miles and then on Sunday, a distance of 18 miles. That will help my conscience. If I don't then please poke me in the eye with something sharp. In my defence, I have been ill and sickly thus could not run. Unfortunately the gods that rule the marathon aren't going to shorten the distance just cos I was a bit poorly one week during training.

My sister told me to hurry up and write some funny things like Cherry. I think I may have been insulted. And she nagged me earlier about not training enough. Ok she has a point but honestly, I'm 30 and not my brother who is useless when it comes to training for things, as he well knows! I shall give a one fingered salute in her general direction when I trot round 18 on Sunday. More likely I will frown my eyebrows because nothing else works but you get the point.

I think it's time we talked about Uri Geller

Well guess what I’m going to be doing tonight. Yep. Running. But I’m sick to dashed hell of writing about running, so instead I’m going to put out a little plea to the blog followers. Both of you.

Someone intimated to me this week that I may have rather too much spare time on my hands, and while I unequivocally insist that this isn’t the case, I have spent this week trying to wind up Uri Geller.

Uri Gellar is a worker of the dark arts and a greater threat to all that is good and true than JK Rowling. As such we should all send him prank emails!
Remember though, being the most powerful psychic known to man, Uri will know what we are up to if we think about it too hard. So remember to try and not think much while you are doing it. I’ve found this adds to the outcome. Here is one of the emails I have sent Uri Gellar in the last week.

Dear Uri,

I think that I am your biggest fan ever. I have pictures of you in every room. I don't have that many rooms, but if I did, I would fill them with pictures of you!

I also have seen nearly all your TV appearances and can report the following strange phenomenon:
1) Once you were on TV and you asked people to put their watches on the TV and see if any thing happened. I put an old nurses watch my mum gave me on the TV. It didn't work before hand, and afterwards it didn't work either. What must have happened is that your psychic brainwaves must have mended it, but been so strong that they actually broke it again! Wow!
2) When you were on I'm A Celebrity I was totally cured of a headache! It came back when the series ended though.

What am I saying? You probably already know this being a psychic! Anyway I would love your signature, would you be able to sign a fork for me?

Your biggest fan

Cherry


It all started when I made myself giggle at the idea of complaining to Uri that he wasn’t replying to the mental messages I was sending him. I knew I was sending them out because Derek Acorah rang me up and asked me to keep the noise down.

So please join me in winding up this grinning man-tard and tell me tales of your Uri Baiting.

Thanks kids.

Sarah's blog

Sniff sniff, snivel. Wail of self pity, cough splutter, zzzzzzz, sniff sniff. Repeat indefinitely.

Hello and New POLL!

Well the first thing that you should notice is that we have a new poll! So why not vote for your favourite choon?

Neither of us ran last night. Sarah is ill. She has been remarkable healthy lately, but usually her default state is ill, so it’s not a massive surprise. However she is also at work today, driven out of her home by a desire to avoid a class division-loaded encounter with her cleaner.

I didn’t run last night because it was cold and Ghost Hunting with McFly was on the telly. McFly are now officially my favourite band after blatantly being more creeped out by Yvette Fielding than by ghosts.

That’ll do…

Cherry survived the Maidstone half marathon without vomiting blood!

Well I did the Maidstone half at the weekend which is why I am using a walking frame to get about today. So yesterday I had to wake up at the absolute arse crack of dawn and venture out in sub artic temperatures.

Oh you should have seem me, at one point I was pulling one minute miles, but all too soon I arrived in Maidstone and parked the car, and things were much slower after that.

It would appear that road races are a really good place to find people you wouldn’t want to leave your kids with. A quick glance around and I clocked the following freaks.
- a man who was approximately 7 feet tall, and who’s Adam’s apple gave his neck the appearance of a scalene triangle
- An elderly gentleman who looked for all the world like that bloke on Fat Ray Mears’ latest series, but wearing miniscule shorts.

Anyway, Hannah and I trotted to the start line, which seemed to be an unnecessary distance away from the car park. And once the starter siren went off, she was off like a hare and I took my place at the back.

I had hypothesised my own technique for the race which I was keen to try out. This was to get behind someone with an interesting arse and focus on that for 13 miles. You need to make sure that the arse you pick isn’t too fast, or you will die. Unfortunately I abandoned this technique early as the arse I had chosen slowed to a painful crawl up hill, and I think dropped out altogether in the end.

In the first mile an old man with the appearance of a gnarled old goat streaked past me, I felt humiliated; I thought to myself “I’m not having that”. And sure enough my perseverance paid off and after ten miles of chasing I caught up with him and passed him. He must’ve been sixty. I was around this point that I also overtook superman, who seemingly has let himself go a bit in recent years. Or maybe there is a vein of Kryptonite under Kent.

But anyway, to cut a long and painful story short, I finished in 2 hours 13 mins, which I was pretty pleased with. Because I have low standards.

Sarah does some running!

It is a week since I last blogged but then again, it was also a week between runs. Yes, last night found me pounding the streets for another 16 miler. It hurt but it wasn't as bad as the week before. I can still walk downstairs. It is also lovely confidence booster. Yes, I can run for ages and ages and not die kind of boost. Especially after my poor show on running this week. On Monday I had a day off due to being tired from the weekend (or rather a series of weekends) and running on your day off is just wrong. Tuesday I had an unexpected drink with a friend before they went back off to the other side of the world for at leasst 6 months and wednsday I had PMT which made me go to sleep. As PMT always does to me.

Nothing amusing happened on last night run. Nothing unusual or interesting. It was in fact very boring but to talk about and at the time. Next week I plan to do an 18 miler. That will really hurt too. Still, soon all this fun and games will be over. Now why haven't I lost as much weight as last time I ran a marathon. Hummmm.

siggggh

Well another week with not much running, which is bad news for those of us that wrote a blog about weeing themselves because there has been nothing to push it down the page.

It’s the Maidstone Half Marathon on Sunday. Everyone is dropping out except me and the legend that is Hannah Evans. A very petite, perfect blonde who can do 8 minute miles. This means that I shall be lumbering along looking like a sort of asthmatic acromeglic by comparison. Ah well.

No running tonight as I’m going out, but I plan to do 10 tomorrow. It’s probably not a good thing that my commitment is waning so close to race day. Yikes.

I RAN A HALF MARATHON AND WET MYSELF

Hello.
Last night Sarah and I went running together. I had to keep asking her to slow down cause I couldn’t keep up with her! She also did about 3 miles more than me. Someone who has been out on the lash for the past 3 nights was outstripping me by miles. Why oh why must I be so rubbish? I blame my parents. I think I might have some sort of congenital shitness.

While out pounding, we came upon a weird shrine somewhere in Dulwich Village. Or at least I saw it, and made Sarah go back to look at it. It was REALLY creepy, behind some railings and set in dense vegetation. It was lit by red Christmassy lights and full of pictures and statues of the Virgin Mary. We looked at it for a few seconds but it freaked us out so much we had to run away. I think it was the fastest bit of running we did all night. You will also be pleased to know that comedic license was not sacrificed, and we ran away with arms outstretched in the style of Scooby Doo cast members running away from a g-g-g-ghost!

Seriously though it was creepy. It was interesting enough for me to want to go and find it and take a photo of it, but scary enough to make sure I don’t go on my own!
So, that was fairly early on in the run but by this time I had already started to need a wee. In a previous blog I claimed that in the event of nuclear strike on London, only my sports bra would survive. I’d like to update that. Only my sports bra and my pelvic floor muscles would survive. How many people can hold a full bladder for 2 hours whilst RUNNING? And I nearly made it home too! However on the last stretch I tripped over a paving slab and nearly fell over. I had to do that staggery recovery, and while I was wind milling frantically, my bladder control lapsed and a wee was born. Naturally the first thing I did was say to Sarah “a bit of wee came out!” But I was damning my wee with faint praise because it was actually quite a lot of wee and I had to run home with wet pants!

Friction burns were kept to a minimum as I covered myself in band-aids to prevent the appearance of one who has had a chemical peel when I take me bra off. However I do have a blister the size of a ten pence piece on my foot. And a wee in my running trousers.

Friday and Sarah is glad

I have noticed that I have been a bit whiney of late. I shall try and be happier today. I am in fact happy. Happy but in pain. Yesterday I ran a colossal 16.16 miles. Yes, that's right 16.16 miles. That is only 9.44 miles short of a whole marathon. I feel better for not having trained in a week now. Admittedly my legs are not very happy and while I solved one friction burn through surgical tape and cotton wool, my body got its revenge with some others. The best two are just below my bottom cheeks. My jeans are rubbing them nicely as I walk so I am walking in the manner that Tina Turner dances. There are some fun ones in my right armpit area too. That meant this mornings deodorant application was followed by a war dance but silently, so as not to wake Jon.

I am still very tired but had to get up early this morning to pack as I'm off for the weekend. I would have done it last night but on return from my run I had trouble moving from the sofa of joy and comfort where I was happily watching A Knights Tale. Good film. I recommend it. No training until Sunday for me now. Yippee

On not wanting to run tonight

Cherry says

Well there has been some slackness on the running front. Sarah has been going out every night like the Bobby Razzler she is and I have just not been running. This means it’s going to be a long one tonight, which we are all delighted about. Some viscous lies about running 14 miles tonight have been put out into the Cosmos, but we shall have to wait and see. Bah.

Sarah says
I haven't run in a week. I am supposed to go out and do a long one tonight but there is the chance for shopping to add to the torment. I will be good and will go home and run but I am knackered. So knackered I could probably cry very easily at someone if they just said the wrong thing in that totally unreasonable girl way. 14 miles, here I come. Yayyyy (that was a very sarcastic yay in my head). Maybe it is time for a snooze in the first aid room. No one will notice.

Bad girls

Well Sarah and I didn't run last night. We went to the pub and got hammered instead. Ha!

I even had a kebab.

My excuse is I am waiting for my blisters to mend...

ouch

OK here is the thing. I am in denial. I am so far in denial I practically have my own pyramid.
I am never going to survive this marathon. Last night was 14 miles. I managed about 12 miles, whereupon I had to stop because I could see the light and various relatives who had passed on.
26 miles! How the chuff am I ever going to manage that? Seriously it is beyond the powers of any normal human.

Shoes

Hello,

I haven’t done my 14 mile run yet, I’m doing it tonight. That should be a laugh.

I bought a pair of proper marathon running trainers at the weekend, they are “gait correcting” ones. I always thought I ran normally, but apparently I was running like a massive spazzy all this time! I was also slightly despairing to learn that my old trainers were essentially glorified plimsolls and had no support whatsoever. The man in the shop was surprised I had any toenails left. So either I now own the most magical running shoes, or I am the biggest chump in the world.

That's a baaaad Sarah

I haven't run since I ran 14 miles as life got in the way. I was going to get back to it tonight but have remembered that I have plans which involve beer. That means that my only 2 free nights this week, tomorrow and thurs will be taken up with lovely long runs but will still be nowhere near enough. Oh dear.

Truncated entry from Sarah

Yesterday, 14 miles. Today so tired I can't move. I'm typing this with my tongue

And Sarah uses the word "smeg"

No running yesterday as it was a day off. Today, now that is a different matter. I am supposed to be running 14 miles. The distance itself doesn't bother me unduly (weird if you think how recently I couldn't run at all) What bothers me is the time. I will get in about 6.25 and have a small energy snack (a chocolate brownie) get changed and be out the door about 6.45. Then I will run and run and run. By the time I get back it will be 9.15. Then I have to shower and change and flake for about 10 minutes to get some energy back. That takes me clearly to 9.45. When the smeg am I supposed to eat my dinner?!?! Everyone knows that you aren't supposed to eat that late! My running book recommends that you don't eat late. I work. I sleep. I want to eat too but it seems that is the thing that will have to go due to lack of time!

Can we go to the pub now? From Cherry

OK, yesterday was a rest day but I don’t feel terribly rested. I feel I have plateaued somewhat in the fitness stakes. Probably because I haven’t stuck to my plan properly. I’m doing 7 miles tonight, which all things considered, could be worse.

In the mean time we are trying to plan our trip round Malaysia, which is a reminder that there is something fun at the end of these months pounding the pavements in the drizzle and the dark.

And finally, I need to buy a new pair of trainers as my current pair have now been completely flattened by my plodding footsteps. Oh joy

grumble

Yeah I must say I agree with Creaky’s points below. Marathon training takes up sooo much time. I’m bored to death of running. All I do is pound the streets and sleep. As a result I haven’t cleaned the kitchen properly in several weeks.

In other news, we all dressed up as pirates for Creaky’s birthday. There should be pictures before too long, and we shall put them up on this very site. Oh yes.

Creaky's back!

Well, it has been a long time since I have put something up as I have spent time in Devon and celebrating my birthday. (Yes, I was indeed 30 - thank you Cherry). I was on holiday in Devon but did that stop me training. Oh no. Nor did the daily humiliation of running with my Dad and Sister, fitness freaks the pair of them, nor did the hills get in the way. I was immense. Actually I slowly plodded round, grumbling the entire way and hating it. Mainly because I forgot to take my radio so the screaming voices were there in power and were trying with every step to stop me.

I am also currently suffering with runners fatigue. That isn't that I feel knackered (which I do) but I am bored with constantly washing running kit, of getting home from work and having to go training not just plonk on the sofa with tea and biscuits. There is the cancelling plans or altering them as I have to fit in a run. Bored bored bored. Training for a marathon takes over your life. There is no two ways about it. Take this week. I decided to run 8 last night, 7 tonight and then have tomorrow off (when I will see Shark Attack 3 at the Barbican) Then instead of going out thursday which is my current official plan, I will instead be running, then another run on Friday before I head home to Poole. Then a shorter run on Saturday before diving. It is getting annoying. I have lots of weekend plans between now and the marathon but it means that I have to constantly alter my life during the week to try and cover enough miles. Sigh. Still, not long to go really. Well over half way through training! Eek