Cherry survived the Maidstone half marathon without vomiting blood!

Well I did the Maidstone half at the weekend which is why I am using a walking frame to get about today. So yesterday I had to wake up at the absolute arse crack of dawn and venture out in sub artic temperatures.

Oh you should have seem me, at one point I was pulling one minute miles, but all too soon I arrived in Maidstone and parked the car, and things were much slower after that.

It would appear that road races are a really good place to find people you wouldn’t want to leave your kids with. A quick glance around and I clocked the following freaks.
- a man who was approximately 7 feet tall, and who’s Adam’s apple gave his neck the appearance of a scalene triangle
- An elderly gentleman who looked for all the world like that bloke on Fat Ray Mears’ latest series, but wearing miniscule shorts.

Anyway, Hannah and I trotted to the start line, which seemed to be an unnecessary distance away from the car park. And once the starter siren went off, she was off like a hare and I took my place at the back.

I had hypothesised my own technique for the race which I was keen to try out. This was to get behind someone with an interesting arse and focus on that for 13 miles. You need to make sure that the arse you pick isn’t too fast, or you will die. Unfortunately I abandoned this technique early as the arse I had chosen slowed to a painful crawl up hill, and I think dropped out altogether in the end.

In the first mile an old man with the appearance of a gnarled old goat streaked past me, I felt humiliated; I thought to myself “I’m not having that”. And sure enough my perseverance paid off and after ten miles of chasing I caught up with him and passed him. He must’ve been sixty. I was around this point that I also overtook superman, who seemingly has let himself go a bit in recent years. Or maybe there is a vein of Kryptonite under Kent.

But anyway, to cut a long and painful story short, I finished in 2 hours 13 mins, which I was pretty pleased with. Because I have low standards.