I RAN A HALF MARATHON AND WET MYSELF

Hello.
Last night Sarah and I went running together. I had to keep asking her to slow down cause I couldn’t keep up with her! She also did about 3 miles more than me. Someone who has been out on the lash for the past 3 nights was outstripping me by miles. Why oh why must I be so rubbish? I blame my parents. I think I might have some sort of congenital shitness.

While out pounding, we came upon a weird shrine somewhere in Dulwich Village. Or at least I saw it, and made Sarah go back to look at it. It was REALLY creepy, behind some railings and set in dense vegetation. It was lit by red Christmassy lights and full of pictures and statues of the Virgin Mary. We looked at it for a few seconds but it freaked us out so much we had to run away. I think it was the fastest bit of running we did all night. You will also be pleased to know that comedic license was not sacrificed, and we ran away with arms outstretched in the style of Scooby Doo cast members running away from a g-g-g-ghost!

Seriously though it was creepy. It was interesting enough for me to want to go and find it and take a photo of it, but scary enough to make sure I don’t go on my own!
So, that was fairly early on in the run but by this time I had already started to need a wee. In a previous blog I claimed that in the event of nuclear strike on London, only my sports bra would survive. I’d like to update that. Only my sports bra and my pelvic floor muscles would survive. How many people can hold a full bladder for 2 hours whilst RUNNING? And I nearly made it home too! However on the last stretch I tripped over a paving slab and nearly fell over. I had to do that staggery recovery, and while I was wind milling frantically, my bladder control lapsed and a wee was born. Naturally the first thing I did was say to Sarah “a bit of wee came out!” But I was damning my wee with faint praise because it was actually quite a lot of wee and I had to run home with wet pants!

Friction burns were kept to a minimum as I covered myself in band-aids to prevent the appearance of one who has had a chemical peel when I take me bra off. However I do have a blister the size of a ten pence piece on my foot. And a wee in my running trousers.